Bill Murray’s famous movie “Groundhog Day” is a perfect name for my diet.
Go to bed the night before with a new resolve, a life-changing plan, a new way of doing life and even a few hours of success under my belt. Yes! Tonight is a victory and I shall march victorious into tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that!
Morning comes, I pull on the chains to lift my large frame out of bed and groggily I make my way to the washroom to get ready for the day. Having gotten dressed I make my way out to the kitchen, after another lousy night’s sleep and I look around for something to eat. The cat is meowing and wrapping himself around my ankles, tripping me as I walk across the kitchen floor. His lame attempt to get something tasty instead of his crappy food in his dish and if that doesn’t work then he will simply make his way to the front door making a stink until I get over there to let him out, shaking the dust from his paws as he leaves this lousy place for the day.
Having taken care of his needs I turn my attention back to myself. Dishes in the sink that need doing so I am running low on spoons. This for some reason derails me and I sit down in my chair dejected. There is no-one standing there offering to make me breakfast. There is no fancy kitchen stocked with the latest for me to make myself some amazing breakfast. Oh there are options available but I am already frustrated by my surroundings. Last night’s victory is not even a thought in my mind any longer.
Instead I open the fridge and I find some leftover pizza that my daughter had ordered late last night when she was getting some school assignments completed. I see a couple cupcakes survived the night as well and suddenly I have found myself breakfast.
I sit back after eating the cold lifeless pizza and the stale cupcakes and I wallow in my self-shame. I try searching for words or excuses to blame those around me but I can’t find anything to help.
Oblivious to the victory I had last night I go about my day lost in my cycle of self-loathing, self-shaming, avoiding mirrors and avoiding people and their glances. Perhaps tonight I will find a new resolve, a new way, a new hope. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I will remember what happened today.