But…Your Honour!

But…Your Honour!

May I present Evidence B: The old lady who lives alone across the street.

Apart from John – the hoarder, this lady has lived here the longest. My children first met her as someone who occasionally worked at the corner store. Back when we first moved into our home the children still all lived at home and were still young enough teenagers that walking to the corner store was a novelty. Consequently this lady got to know them quite well. At some point though my children stopped going to the store – all grown up for that sort of thing now – and the lady stopped working there – all grown up for that sort of thing as well. Instead I see her occasionally leave her home and get into a friend’s car or I see her walk down the street.

But, on occasion, I also see her walk up each of her neighbour’s driveways, grab the garbage can or recycle bin and roll it to the curb getting it ready for pick up. Then, after the truck has come and done its thing she is back out there rolling them back in place. During the winter she adds to her duties by going outside to shovel her own driveway and then continue the favour by shovelling her neighbour’s driveways as well. This, of course has discouraged my younger children who were hoping to make a couple bucks shovelling those driveways themselves and of course this has discouraged me that a woman who could easily be my grandmother is out there doing tasks that are putting me to shame!

All of this is fine – her going and helping out her neighbours like she does – always trying to be helpful and I can get over the shame I feel by being shown up by an elderly lady living alone. It is hard work but I press on through it. An effective strategy is lowering the blinds and turning up the volume on the tv. But it is in those moments over the last year or so that in her ‘helpfulness’ she wanders over to our property, climbs up our inclined driveway to the very top of the pavement where it is now clearly concrete paths down the side of my house where we have discreetly kept our garbage and recycling bin.

Yup, she comes into my property walks halfway down the length of my home to get the garbage bin or recycling and then proceeds to pull them down to curbside for collection! I know! I couldn’t believe it myself. She would even come back after it has been collected and rolls them back into place. We have tried to discourage her from doing so and I believe we have found some success in this as I have noticed that she doesn’t even bother walking over to this side of the street any longer.

Wait, that isn’t entirely true as I have noticed her engaging in conversation with my most immediate neighbours on our side of the street so perhaps all I have accomplished is kept her from walking out front of our driveway….

But, clearly Judge you can see from the evidence I am presenting that it is not I who is the bad neighbour but those who surround me! I mean trespassing on private property! Just because she is a little old lady who has some sort of sick obsession with garbage bins and recycling containers should not be a defence that allows her carte blanche to go onto anyone’s property and do whatever the hell she wants to do!

No? Not satisfied yet? Well then brace yourself because I have even more evidence to share…

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